So I'm at the bar, trying to get a nice buzz on before I head home. There's some older woman talkin up some crazy to anyone who'll listen. I get suckered into chatting, then spend the next hour being ping-ponged between her and her crazy fiance. They each draw me aside to put down some sort of looking-for-a-fling-before-the-wedding-vibe (yeah, 65 year old drunks, I'm really that desperate. not), combined with my-daddy-beat-me or i-used-to-work-with-the-mob-i-can-have-you-killed shticks. The wife-to-be is asking me to help decorate for her wedding, the groom-to-be is going back and forth between if-i-didn't-trust-you-i'd-kill-you-see-look-at-my-CCW and if-you-help-my-gal-out-i've-got-connections.

Why do they always seek me out?