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blurgity

Burning inside, this need to be held, understood, wanted, needed, I have. The anger I feel may be for something not real, but the anger still burns inside. It draws fuel for the flame, from the depth of my paranoid brain, always questioning each friendship, never trusting any lie. burning inside. burning inside. With each passing day, my friends are farther away, as I push them out, to keep myself safe from doubt...if no one is there, I can't be betrayed, if no one is there, I'll never get laid, no more worries about, how ugly I am, what's that on my skin, will you hate me when we're thru, will I ever again see you...none of that, just the dull ache, as I feel my heart break, knowing those that I love, I could push away, knowing those that I love, won't call today, won't call next week, won't call me ever, unless they need something from me. burning inside, this pain I can't hide, it's no wonder I'm alone, with this kind of baggage that I bring along.

Can't focus on work, feel like such a useless jerk, just a quick little dribble, my words seem to stiffle, can't speak but in rhyme, my life's out of time, nothing to hope for, nothing to gain, just another day of endless pain, knowing I can't trust what I see, knowing I'm a freak, seeing rejection where there's just indifference.

2002-06-14