July 14th

Terror screams inside me

   Yet my lips refuse to move

Rough hands remove my clothes

   And force me to the ground

I know what comes next

   Try to escape inside

Away from the pain

   Of being torn apart

Yet when it comes

   The fierceness of his rage

Forces me back

   To a reality i can not stop

Though I want to cry

   I know he would only enjoy

   My tears more

That much I can deny him

A few short minutes

   And he is done and gone

In a few days the pain

   will begin to fade

but I'll never escape

   The fears that will keep me alone

   for the rest of my life

   Never trusting anyone

   Desperate for a gentle caress

   But no one can touch me

Without nausea filling me

Will I see him again

   In some club

I can never forget his face

   But could I meet his eyes?

Why do I feel the shame

   Is it not enough

   That I feel the pain?

I'd wanted the first

   To be so special

A night to remember

   Instead of a night I beg myself to forget

In my bed at home

   I sit against the wall

Door locked

Staring at the walls

And rock myself to sleep.