Funkaspuck.com
Some People

So recently there was a little 'incident' at work, where I sent around a hyper-sarcastic email to the seattle office, to find out who had eaten an excessive amount of candy out of my candy jar, the day I'd filled it. The guy came forward, replaced the candy, and proffered a suitable explanation (he's a veggie, working late, so his food options were limited...our new vending-machine-vendor really sucks, btw). To me, end of story.

But oh no. There are at least 2, possibly 3, people who felt annoyed enough to complain to me and/or HR.

Hi!

My name is Don!

I'm a punk!

(You can tell by the way I wear my "Coffee Without Caffiene Is Like Sex Without Leather" t-shirt to work)


Sheesh. Some people act like they've never heard of sarcasm or hyperbole. The HR woman warned me that my career could be jeopardized, because no one wants to promote a "hot head". Another woman told me she had been "mortally offended". wtf? When I started to tell her the happy ending to the story, she interrupts, "I don't wanna hear about it". Well then why the fuck did you bring it up? If you didn't take the candy, why'd you open a message entitled "to the 3 year old candy thief"?

That's just asking for me to fuck with you. I love nothing better than to annoy prudes, religious extremists, and anyone who thinks they have some sort of right to go through life in the real world, yet never be annoyed by anyone else.

This is America. OK, maybe starting to be a little AmeriKa-ish, but still we do have some freedoms. Not the least of which is the right to be an annoying ass. You don't like me? So what, if you don't like me, you aren't the kinda person I like, so why would I care what you think?

OK, I care, in the sense that it amuses me, and gives me something to do when I'm bored. Don't get me wrong, I'm a nice guy most of the time....but don't fuck with the psycho, he'll obsess over making you fuckin miserable, to the detriment of everything you think he should hold dear, and laugh himself silly.

why?

Because he knows, all the things you think are important, really aren't.

This isn't high school.

Annoying other people isn't illegal...it can get you fired, but it can't get you arrested. Unless a weapon is involved. But that IS going to far.

There is no permanent record.

You opinion only matters to the people you care about. The people you hate could care less what you think. The rest of the world doesn't have the time to get involved in your petty feud.


I got a half dozen amused and sympathetic emails, and every one of them was suprised someone had complained. In the tallybook in my head, I came out on top.


The most delicious irony?

I got to spend some time today thinking up cuss words, tracking down foreign cuss-word dictionaries, and thinking up ways people funky-spell curse words (fuct, phuct, etc).

Sometimes it's good to be in QA.

Not as good as being the king (though if you're the king of Iraq, today is not a good day. except perhaps to die), but not too bad at all.

Then there are those other days that just completely suck, but we won't go there now.

2003-03-20