me mother's birthday is next weekend. Such a horrible son, I am, questioning wether or not I feel like sending her flowers, pissed as I am at her of late. I try to be sympathetic/understanding... seventeen year olds don't make great parents, even with the best of intentions. I know she had her own childhood history to work through. If some of the things m. has said are true, I'm sure there were plenty of reasons for my mom to direct so much anger my way, even as a baby, so many reasons she went to such great lengths to find somebody/anybody else to lavish her affection on.

So many valuable lessons learned as a child, like...

When my mom used to volunteer to take care of the developmentally disabled kids at church, and some 35 year old, with a mental age of 10, would strike me, out of confusion/whatever, it was my fault. At 7 years old, it was smacked into me with a brush...when older people hurt you, it's your own fault, and you should take it quietly, and not complain.

I could say more, but you'll never read it anyways.